Are you ready?
Journal Your Feelings
The first thing to do to begin your search is to get organized. You’ll need to create your own personal system for cataloging information. Whether in a binder, a journal, or a shoebox, every piece of paper and every fact you learn should be recorded and kept together. Create a system that works best for you. Some people use a computer, others use three by five index cards and a filing system.
The issue is not what cataloging system you use. Documenting your search in some format is the objective here. The tiniest clue found early may be the one that leads to the end of your search years down the road. Take care to record every lead that you follow. Write down synopses of telephone conversations and meetings and photo copy everything. Something seemingly insignificant may become the keystone of your efforts.
I also recommend that you make a place to record your thoughts and feelings. Use your journal as a “friend,” a sound board, a place to record all the emotions you’re experiencing. A search can be a roller-coaster ride. You may feel ecstatic, depressed, obsessive, brilliant, excited, angry, and scared all in the same week. It can be cathartic to write it all down. Talking to a therapist can also be very beneficial during an active search.
- http://counseling.adoption.com/
- http://cms.psychologytoday.com/google/
- Join a Forum www.vanonline.org
It has been proven that people who journal and set goals are found to be ten times more likely to achieve them as those who do not. I actually wrote letters to my birthmother to get my feelings out and express my desire to reunite with her. Writing those letters helped me work through my feelings before actually searching. It’s kind of neat to read those letters now after I’ve actually found her.
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Make Sure You Are Mentally Ready
What do you expect from the search? What do you think you might find? How do you hope that will make you feel?
We all have conscious or subconscious fantasies about our roots. Part of preparing for a search is to address those desires, needs, fears, and assumptions, and place them in perspective with the uncertain outcome ahead.
Use the following list of questions as a framework to help you examine your feelings and needs periodically throughout your search.
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Questions To Ask Yourself Prior to Searching
How long have you been wanting to search?
What has happened that precipitated your desire to do it now?
What are you looking for?
What do you want to find? (Your conscious expectations.)
What are your fantasies? (Your subconscious imaginings.)
What are your fears?
What do you want from these people when you find them?
How little will you accept?
Are you angry? If so, who are you angry at?
If you were the one being found, how would you want the search and first contact handled?
Who can you talk with about your search?
If you find something horrible, will you accept that you searched because you needed to, not because of what you might find?
These are important questions to consider throughout your search. The more of an assessment you can take of your innermost feelings, the better prepared you’ll be to search. No matter what anyone else says, you have to listen most to yourself.
There’s no bible that can tell you exactly what’s going to happen or what you should do. Each individual’s situation is unique. A search is a journey into the unknown. The only “known” that you have the ability to control is yourself. The more you examine your own feelings, the more awareness you’ll have to both undertake your search and handle a reunion.
Once you’ve taken the time to get organized and to plan your search, it’s time to begin. But remember this as you start your quest: No matter what you listed as possible outcomes of your search, no matter what you’re determined are your innermost hopes, the reality is there is only one thing that you can truly hope and expect to find in your search: knowledge.
Knowledge about your origins is powerful.
